Hate to hate

Recently, or rather, not-so-recently (how time flies!) a friend of mine and I were discussing grudges, hatred, dislike, love-hate relationships...the rest (yeah, pretty jobless at school, right?). She asked me why i didn't-- or rather, couldn't-- hate people.

I sincerely didn't know what to say. I just didn't hate people. Utterly amused by this revelation, I thought about it for days together. I gathered reasons, arguments, justifications, counter-arguments....and of course I knew the answer. Forgive me for my lack of modesty, but I always know the answers when it's about me. No one knows me better, and I could possibly stretch it to the fact that no one really knows me. *Underlying sense of pride*

But, yes, returning to the topic. I will cease this meaningless babble at once and let my ink flow..or rather, fingers flow.

Weren't we thought, from a tender age -- Don't use the word hate. Don't say ,'I hate him.' Don't be mean to people. Don't be rude. Help people. Forgive people. Love people. Empathize with them.

Story of my life.

I can see how, with things like that drummed into me from an early age, why I enjoy helping. Forgiving, but never forgetting. Hating to hate.

But that of course, is the smallest justification I can give for not wanting to hate.

People say, 'Circumstances make a man.' I say, 'Circumstances make a man who is made by circumstances.' A bit of a tongue twister, yes, but I believe one can fight - to some extent- against his/her circumstances, and triumph over them. There's always that disadvantage, though.

It is this disadvantage I will exploit. If someone is absolutely despicable, I don't like to blame them. I will blame their childhood, their friends, their family , in short, the circumstances they grew up in.

Now why am I disproving my own point that circumstances don't always affect a man?

Because not everyone is strong. Not strong enough to stand against circumstances, to stand with themselves, to stand up for someone. And why is that?

Everyone's born with some mental strength as natural and different as their eyes and ears. Some people might be able to face calamity after calamity without shedding a tear. Others may falter in their self-confidence. Some may even hit back at their loved ones in frustration, without realizing how much damage they're causing.

All three examples are people I know. We meet so many different people with different strengths. If it was your best friend who was weaker in some way or the other,you'd try to help them. Then why is it that if they aren't that close to you, you despise them? Look down at them?

There will always be people weaker than you are. Silently crying out for help. Yet they dare not do that aloud. Nor would I if I were suffering.

When I look at a person I could hate passionately, the first thing I truthfully feel is revulsion. Then when I see through them, they're usually pale shadows. Pale shadows with paler people lurking, hiding away, behind the shadow. Then I'm filled with pity, sympathy, and empathy, in that order. He may not have had the opportunity to learn as much as I did. She may not have had the strength to stand up to her so-called bitchy friends. Being a person who hates confrontation and conflict, I find many, many people who feel the same, but instead they hide away behind that heavy curtain. I see how that girl was ditched again and again because she was such a pushover, being a girl of a little strength, and that's why she's like that now. Once you see the little connections, you hardly feel like hating them.

Of course, every person is born with certain characteristics and certain instincts. It could be sympathy, humour, or simply, a love for animals. Or it could even be sadism, jealousy, or a strong desire to play around with people's minds-- a rather superior feeling to them would be the cause.

However, have you ever noticed how much the world changes us? How do we form impressions of ourselves? If you think for some time, you realize your parents' impressions of you-- the earliest impressions you're exposed to-- some what match with yours. There are many others who imprint it onto your brain. 'I am a quiet, shy child.' ' I am too loud and boisterous.'

Further, as we grow up, the world rules and etiquette force themselves on us. We know it's wrong to hurt somebody knowingly. A person with an instinct to do the same will suppress it and go on in life. But once in a while they 'show their true colors', the shameful characteristic they've been trying to hide for so long.

We look down at them the most when they're at their weakest, picking up up the pieces and shameful.

I pity them the most at that time.

Look at yourself ten years ago and you'll find that you didn't like yourself very much. Because we're constantly trying to become 'better people', we look down at what we were before. But 'better people' in whose view? The world's view. The established norms in society often form shackles that cut deeper than we can bleed.

That person you hate right now may not be the same after ten years, thanks to the constant change wrought upon them. Therefore, no person has a constant 'personality'. Look at yourself. Are you the same person? The same way, everyone around you is growing. Testing the waters.

Don't look at them with judgemental eyes.

Don't hate the growing trash that will morph into a lovely sculpture, sculpted by Change itself. With a hand from Circumstance, of course.

And, finally, I believe relationships are important. Unnecessary hatred reflects later on in life, even when both the hater, and er, hatee, have changed beyond recognition and become better people. I hate to end a relationship on bad terms. It hurts for the rest of your life.

And that is why I hate to hate.