Ank and Mon in The Land of Mallus

Part 1: "You will see!"

*Yawn* Ank (pronounced A-N-K) lifted her Star Bunny blanky off her and slid into her Star Bunny slippers, picked up her Star Bunny towel and her special diamond-studded Star Bunny toothcare bag. It goes without saying that she hopped all the way to the bathroom. On the way she met half a dozen employees of her posh hotel; their greetings were unreplied to, but they were used to it, and even warned of this inevitable catastrophe by Section 3(a) of the Employee Handbook -- 'The Lady considers it uncouth to greet people until she is fully dressed and wide awake. Please restrict from demanding a greeting in return early in the morning.' They were also asked to ignore her abnormal behaviour until she brushed her teeth (such as hopping), but unfortunately this was not in the official Handbook in clear print; it was passed down as advice from Head Manager to toilet cleaner in whispers, because the Handbook only said: 'A contract of secrecy must be signed on joining the firm; details of the Lady's personal life and habits, as well as eccentric behaviour, must not be disclosed to any agency or person. A person/ group of people giving out any information of the following type is liable to persecution : blah blah blah blah Penal Code blah blah'.

But enough about the boring old Handbook, whose cover page was designed by Lady Ank herself (plain white with ANK on top-- awe-inspiring). We are here to witness the grand meeting of Ank and Mon, which will eventually culminate in their forthcoming trip...

Ank was fully ready in an hour, and was much more human than she was in the morning. She watched a row of real pearls glisten on her neck. Bah. She flung the pearls off and wore her special Star Bunny Super Lucky Charm Necklace Plated In Real Gold. She grinned, content, and wearing her coat (which hid her Star Bunny Super Lucky Charm Necklace Plated In Real Gold anyways *gasping for breath*), she stepped out of her suite and headed to her private lagoon, where a guest was awaiting her. Damn these crappy visitors, she thought, now I can't even finish my Star Bunny coloring book like I said I would by December!

A second after she thought these words, a ghost of an old, croaky voice floated up in her airy head and said, 'You will see!... If you don't breeeng the textbooook, you veel loose marks!!'

She halted at the door of the elevator for a minute before resuming her journey. What the heck? she wondered, awe-struck, Indira ma'am?? I haven't thought of her in years! Then she stepped smartly into her private elevator and thanked herself for making the elevator sound-proof as she laughed away to glory.

Part 2: The Water Park

Mon looked at her old buddy's water park and thought, Well, well, now, Ank has done pretty well for herself. Rich and famous? Check. 5 star hotel chain? Check. Brand name? Check. Magazine cover? Check. Hobnobbing with the stars? Check.....Although I don't remember her saying that she wanted a water park....?

Mon yawned widely. Well, at least the food they serve you meanwhile is worth the wait to see her. She took another helping of the rolled-up-bread-with-something-sizzling-inside thingy, and took the whole of the next half hour to eat it. When she rose to go and bug that manager-guy again, she saw a short, silly-looking, minuscule toddler tottering along the railing of the pool --in stilettos. Really, parents these days... " Hey! Little girl! Stay away form the railing, okay? You'll fall in!...Where's your mommy?" she yelled, looking around for some weirdo fashionista mom to come around.

The punch that landed in her face the next moment was phenomenal.

"You FOOF! How dare you patronize me????" said the ...er... toddler-sized Lady Ank.

"Foof?..... OHMYGOD ANK!!!!!! Is that really you?" yelled the now hyperly-hyper Mon.

"Huh? Mon-mon...is that YOU?"

"Ank!"

"Mon-mon!"

"Ank-ank!"

"Mon-mon!"

"Ank-... wait a second-- Why are you calling me Mon-mon? I'm just Mon, you freak!...Unless...Of course!... You're an impostor! Spill it! Where have you hidden the real Anushka??"

"BAH.You and your over reactive zooming-into-overdrive imagination."

"Ah, I guess it's really you then-- 'coz no one else would know about the zooming-into-overdrive thing. Oh and where's my impostor checklist?" Mon fished out a yellowed paper, so old that it could make your great-granny feel like competing in the Miss World contest.

"Oh.My.God. That is NOT what I think it is."

"Since when have you been so blonde? You're reminding me of Nut."

"Nut? Haha. Where is that foof, man?"

"Now that's more like it. Nut? Oh, she lives a street away from me. Now, coming back to the point..."

And the two idiots--who, until now, seemed to be in formal, polite discussion, exchanging niceties like two societal ladies would upon acquaintance-- burst out laughing like two toddlers who have just met in a play pen and won against the Evil Team in a ball fight.

'Coming back to the point' had reminded them of an old phone conversation before Sin's birthday, when they were trying to decide on a gift for her. Instead, they spent a whole hour cracking up and unsuccessfully trying to 'come back to the point'.

"G-m-t-a-f-s-d, man!" roared Ank, with some difficulty, as she was laughing too hard to talk. Unfortunately, the said jumble of letters brought upon them another enormous wave of laughter. Long ago, when our heroines were stuck in Fiitjee, *audience gasps* there was a saying that they had to use often, because-- well, the phrase is self-explanatory-- "Great minds think alike, fools seldom differ."

10 minutes later, when they were done laughing, Mon gasped, "It's been so long, Ank... and I'm hyperlyhyper!!! YAY YAY YAY!"

Meanwhile, Ank, who had just realised that her reputation had gone to pieces right in front of her bodyguard and the lagoon management, dusted the edge of her skirt and said crisply, "Shall I lead you to the lounge?"

Mon looked at Ank like she always did-- fascinated-- and , her voice dripping with sarcasm, said, "Why, of course. I would hate to disturb the peace and tranquility of this serene water park--"

"It's not a water park, it's a lagoon!"

"-whatever-"

"A private lagoon!"

"Fine, this serene private water park--"

"A LAGOON!"

"--with our loud, outrageous laughter and bellowing guffaws--"

"I do NOT guffaw! Bey!"

...which of course, had them laughing in no time.

Perhaps a little history would be a little helpful here. It always took very little to set Ank and Mon off; whether it was Ank's dignified act, moments before it fell to pieces, Mon's extremely active imagination that kept sketching dramatic scenes for Ank to laugh at, Ank's Drama Queen antics that Mon laughed at, and their ability to go on laughing forever, picking up teacher's lines and mannerisms, connecting two or more irrelevant things to laugh about, acting like children when around each other, being plain silly, and so sarcastic that when they talked on the phone, their phones melted into metallic goo.

It was unimaginable to think that they ever sat next to each other without laughing, but there you go, it happened everyday in 10th grade. Two boring, quiet people staring at the blackboard lost in their own thoughts.

Both of them were quiet, dignified, studious, little (well not exactly, seeing that Mon had shot up over a foot in the last 3 years, widening the gap between their heights since 3rd grade, when, Ank and Mon would stand behind each other first in the lines in the assembly), wrapped-up-in-their-own world people.

Until they met in fiitjee. Technically, they had met in 3rd grade, but outside school, now, in 11th grade, they met. They met, they laughed, they conquered. Their old memories of 3rd grade and 10th grade, the ridiculous teachers at fiitjee, their absolutely opposite interests, and so many other things, kept their laughter alive for a century.

And now, after so many years, Mon had come to meet Ank, and discovered that they had kept those dear memories alive, even if Ank had grown into a dignified young hotel heiress/businesswoman, and Mon into a dignified young businesswoman/businesswoman. XD

"Water park kathe...come on, let's go inside," coaxed Ank, only to see that Mon was already halfway to the door, following a waiter holding up a tray of fried somethings. She was dancing with excitement, with the goofiest grin on her face. Ank returned the grin with one of her many, many, many, grins, which were among her many, many, many, many, (comical) facial expressions. "Oye! Wait beyyyyy! You didn't read out the Impostor Sheet!"

The Impostor Sheet was a result of joblessness one fine Saturday night over the phone. Both of them had made an Impostor Sheet for each other-- with little details about the other person so that they would be able to check for an impostor many years later, if they ever met again.

"All right... but only if you can order that thing he was carrying. With peanut sauce."

A few bowls of peanut sauce later, Mon read out: "Short and small- Check. Facial Expressions- Check. The way you say bey (hey, that rhymes!)-- Check. Tubelight- Check. Trying to be dignified- Check. Either squirms away or gets teary when you hug her- hey, come here, *hug* all right, stop squirming, you nut!-- Check. Can say the following words the Chirec/ JAM (Jobless Ank and Mon TM) way..."

Part 3: The most important part where you're supposed to pay attention, sleepyhead.

One hour of laughter later, Ank said,"So what brings you here?"

"Why, the desire to cast a glance upon the tremendously beautiful visage of--'

'Shut up and spit it out.'

'It's about Indira Ma'am.'

To be continued =P

Dedicated to my dearest Ank, and our awesome Social Studies teacher, Indira ma'am! Hehe. Most of you probably won't get half the jokes I'll mention here, 'cause they're all Ank & Mon Jokes =P